Sunday, October 18, 2009

Glamor On The Farm? Forget It

Mud, dogs, dog poop, cats, cat poop, more dogs, neighbor’s dogs, horse manure, cow manure, wet dogs. Ranch life pleasures are innumerable, but these things are sometimes hard to appreciate.
It had finally gone on sale. The cute little floral print dress I’d been eying, in my favorite clothing catalog for the past six months was on sale. Visions of wearing it to town...away from dogs and other varmints, mud and excretions, danced in my head. I quickly called in my order knowing that if I waited too long my size might be gone. I had a small problem, my husband and I would be leaving on Saturday to visit our daughter and son-in-law and wouldn’t be back for several days. I wanted that dress. I placed the order, relieved that the order taker promised a three day arrival...Friday. That would work. Friday arrived, no dress. No problem. I’ll leave the UPS man a great big note on our back door with great big explicit directions to leave the box inside our unlocked house. Neighbors, kids, family and friends were alerted to watch for the cargo.
When I returned home, I anxiously looked for the UPS box. I searched the back porch, the back entry hall, the pantry, kitchen...nothing. I called all alertees inquiring about the package. They had seen nothing. I called the company. It had gone out as planned and I should have received it by now. Several weeks went by, and the dress fetish relinquished..
One cold afternoon with temperatures in the teens and snow blowing, I pulled out of our driveway to go to town. As I drove out I noticed a lifeless, frozen, snow covered heap in my front yard. I stopped and made my way to the middle of the yard. Brushing the fresh snow away revealed a box covered not only with frozen snow, but frozen poop as well. Stuck like super glue to the ground was a box. It wouldn’t budge. I kicked it hard prying it loose. The return address: J.Jill Inc. My dress! So much for the UPS man’s direction taking. After some questioning I found out he had left the package on a bench under our carport. Lilly, our Old English Sheepdog thought he'd left it for her. The company sent a new dress, free of charge. Lilly would end up destroying that one too. Washing instructions recommended; hand washable, line dry. So I hung it on the line...for her amusement she thought. I would later find it ripped and tattered...once again in the yard. Glamor on the farm? I'm having trouble finding it.

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